Mariah's Cheetah Thong Gets Run Over by the John Deere Riding Mower!

Since I'm going to be seeing this bitch in like four months the story of today is dedicated to Mariah. And yes its all true unfortunately.

Before I start off I would like to give everyone in the audience a lil background info on the place I call home. As we have already established I am from hicksville. Population was 12,875 at the last census. I live in a "manufactured home" which is fancy talk for double wide trailer. But don't you fret its not a trailer park. I live in the High Country Estates. Okay so it is a trailer park just with a fancy (albeit stoner) name. I personally think of it as living in a trailerhood. I am such a classy lady.

Anyhow, back to Mariah's panties. This bitch lost every pair of panties she had in her luggage. Which by the way was about a million suitcases. And yes I do live in a double wide but it has 2 bathrooms. So please tell me why every time we had a gathering (fancy word for college party) and she drank 3 Keystones (I told you I was a classy lady) she would pee outside. Maybe the trailerhood brought out some white trash gene that she did not know she had. Now country girls have a lot of practice with peeing outside but I personally have the skills to do it without out taking my panties off....Mariah on the other had would take hers off and shoot them across the yard like a slingshot every time.....amature. 99 times out of 100 her panties were lost to coyotes or some other forces of nature never to be seen again. Except for the night of the lucky cheetah thong. As you know every girl has at least one pair of go-to lucky panties. Mariah is no exception. Here is her story.

One night after drinking some classy wine that you buy in a box we invited a few friends over. One of these friends was the The Most Beautiful Man in the World as Long as He Was Wearing a Hat. Tall, carmel skin, green eyes, and the body of a Greek god. With a lil baldish spot but hey hats were invented for a reason. And he is still a beautiful specimen. At some point I notice Mariah and Mr. Hat are no where to be seen. That lucky bitch. A good thirty minutes later they reemerge threw the front door. "Ummmm where were you?" "Talking on the porch." (classy people always have porches). The night ends and when we wake up we are greeted by Pube Boy. (check story one if you don't already know who that is). "Ummm I came over here to mow the lawn for you guys and I ran over this" And my God strike me down now it PB was not holding in his hands little shredded up pieces of her lucky cheetah panties.......Um Mariah really on the front porch in a trailer park... I have lots of neighbors.....You are now an official card carrying member of the Trailer Trash Club of the South Part of America...We meet on Fridays, bring beer.