Pube Boy

This lil story comes to you circa summer 2007 and I like to file it away in the TRAUMATIZED section of my brain. (Note some names are changed to protect the innocent!) Well it all started when I met my best friend Mariah. Her scumbag burnt ass boyfriend moved her across the country to the middle of hicksville nowhere AKA my hometown from her major metro city only to dump her for an illegal alien who convinced him to marry her for a green card and put my best friend out on the streets. Which at some point I will get to that story in further detail. But I digress. Well being the nice person I am and the bad ass she is, she moved in with me. Now I'm not gonna lie me and her are some bad ass bitches and we had many adventures till she moved back and left me here. This particular story involves an encounter with a young man that we will call Pube Boy. Let me break PB down for ya. Tall, not muscular exactly but not total flub but did kind of have that bitch pooch that girls have, which btw you couldnt see with his clothes on. Played minor league baseball, or so he said. He always had weed and would always smoke us out. His teeth were on the fucked up side, you know the drill lil baby dog snaggle tooth. Which if you know me I don't trust people with small or too fucked up of teeth. Needless to say he was never my favoritest of people but hey......its boring in hicksville. It is also worth noting that we soon found out PB was a thirsty pervert!!!!! Really do you have to send me a text message every single day asking me what color are my panties? Bitch we have gone over the fact I never wear panties quit texting me. Well one day he showed up unnanounced to the crib to swoop up my girl Mariah which she was not having at all....so what does this bitch do.....fake sleep on the couch....winks at me like play along bitch....so of course I do. Well PB is not taking no for an answer and grabs her leg and drags her in to the spare room. Im like bitch you are not a caveman and she is not a slab of meat time to go. So once he leaves we die laughing to the point of tears.....were sitting on the couch and next thing you know who barges in the front door? You got it Pube Boy....we really gotta start locking the door. So mid sentence Mariah plops her ass down like a narcaleptic.zzzzzzzzzzz. How Mariah fake slept through that with out laughing I will never know, but one thing is for sure is the bitch deserves at least a peoples choice award for best actress in a comedy. Well after this night we couldn't get rid of PB. He was coming to the house and cleaning and mowing the yard (our very own Mr. Fucking Belvidere) just to see us hahaha....like I said thirsty. Well one day Mariah and I actually decide we want him to take his pants off right just to see whats he is working with. BAD FUCKING IDEA.....I kid you not his pubes were WAY longer than his dick and swear on a stack of bibles they were straight. Like he took a straightener to that shit or it was possibly a perm! If you are going to perm your pubes you might as well bleach it and sprinkle some glitter down there too sunshine. SHIT. You have got to be kidding me that is not a good look on anyone. A lil hair is alright boo and no hair is better.....but growing a national forrest or looking like you stuck your dick in an electrical outlet is NOT OK!